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DoS: Madness
Too Blue: Madness Edition--Round 2, Max Division
by Jewell Ravenlock
March 22, 2017

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 2, Max Division) 23.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Soooo Jewell, do you want to start off the Max Division predictions for us?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: No? Yeah, I'll take that as a no. Oookay. Mother of Nature, if looks could kill, I'd be dead.

So first we have E Smith, number one seed in Max Division, versus Nuy, the number eight seed. We previously predicted that Evangeline was going to be facing E, but Nuy grabbed the win in Round 1. Neither of us saw the fight, but Nuy almost lost the lead and barely squeaked out a win in the end. How do you think this is going to turn out this time?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: Riiiiight. That slow blink of your eyes? I'm taking that as support for E. That's who I have my money on too even if he is apparently spreading rumors that we made out. Which we didn't. But hey man, if you want to take me out sometime, I guess that'd be cool. I don't just usually make out with random guys who don't at least buy me a drink first, unlike some people I know.

Jewell: [huffs]

Sapphire: [clears throat] Okay then. E's also been having a really solid year. He got his barony and then defended it immediately against the Overlord's squire. Who happens to be fighting in this next matchup: Myria Graziano, a number five seed, versus Hajime Aki, a number four seed. I just know Jewell has an opinion on this one since she's always been a fan of the Wrecking Crew and Aki is her squire. He also won the Talon of Redwin this year. So what do you think Jewell?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: Come on. The station hired you because of your superior and copious knowledge of sword dueling and everyone in RhyDin wants to hear your lovely voice! You've got to tell us how this match is going to go!

Jewell: [sighs] Fine! Fine, okay? I'll tell you how the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] match is going to go. Aki will probably win this one if he can [EXPLETIVE DELETED] remember anything I've taught him and he doesn't disembowel himself right before the match for looking at a woman wrong or something.

Sapphire: [uneasy laughter] Better cover your eyes just to be safe, Aki!

Jewell: Sorry Baby Graz, this one has to go to my squire. Better luck next year. Tell your brothers I said hi though, okay?

Sapphire: Who is fighting in the next bout, Jewell?

Jewell: I don't know.

Sapphire: I see you tore the paper with the match ups to pieces. Fantastic. Here, borrow mine.

Jewell: Whatever. Next we have Melanie Rostol, a number six seed, versus that guy Dimitrii who does stuff with ice at number three.

Sapphire: Stuff with the ice [laughs]. I haven't seen him around since I've been back, but he's pretty cute. Maybe Melanie will be distracted by his charming good looks?

Jewell: Or maybe she'll melt whatever ice weapon he happens to be using with her lightsaber and impale him!

Sapphire: Wow. Harsh. I mean, I guess it's possible but I kind of hope it doesn't happen that way? Cute guys are in short supply on the lists this year. Also, shouldn't you be a bit nicer about him? He did intercede during a challenge on your behalf earlier this year.

Jewell: Oh... right. I forgot about that. Sorry, I've been a bit busy dying and all lately. But I guess you're right. Six helped me when he was Overlord, he won that baron tournament, and has been having a really good year in sword fighting overall. However, I don't care for the way he looks at me like I'm going to do something mean or horrible to him at any moment.

Sapphire: Well... are you?

Jewell: Eh, you never know. Standing opposite of Six in this fight is Mel, whose fine behind has been missing around the dueling venues lately. Soooo go Six. Hurrah. You can do it. We believe in you.

Sapphire: Could you sound any less enthusiastic?

Jewell: Probably.

Sapphire: Please don't try.

Jewell: All right.

Sapphire: Now it's time for the last fight of Round 2! Cassius "the Dirty Roman" Maximius, ranked number seven, and Gren "THE MAN" Blockman, ranked at number two. ["Maximus! Maximus! Maximus!" sound clip]

Jewell: I'll go with what I said last year: as long as Tara doesn't come back from battling Clamtrude and she doesn't spring out of the middle of the ring mid-fight, Gren will likely win this one. If she does, or even if some random, semi-attractive female under eighty-five just happens to flash a bit of bare ankle? Cassius will win.

Sapphire: Hear that Gren fans? Cover up from chin to toes if you want your favorite forest ranger to win! On the other hand, if you're a Cassius fan? Have a streaking party in the Arena whenever this fight goes down.

Jewell: Thank you for that mental image.

Sapphire: What? You don't want to see your favorite fans running around with boobs a flapping and dongs a--


Sapphire: [laughing] Don't forget to come out and cheer on The Empress Overlady tonight in her battle against the Stupid Face Aric! Free Mad Fairy Ale for everyone cheering for the Overlord! Just tell the bartender it's going on Kalamere Ar'Din's tab.

Jewell: Sapphire... Seriously? Can you just not say something awful for ten minutes?

Sapphire: What? There's nothing awful about free ale!

This article brought to you by
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