4 Up! 4 Down¡ Week 6
Source IFL News Network
December 10, 2013
The more things change...
During Week 6 we witnessed some of the worst individual performances of the year.
We found the truth in my prognostications as Asian Invasion reaped what it sowed.
We know that The Rock Hards are winless and don't see that changing.
We beheld Team Fist as it fell apart spectacularly.
Oh yes, the Badside Brawlers continue to dominate.
...the more they stay the same.
Colin Talvitie
Staff Writer
Four Up!
Badside Brawlers (4-0 Sweep; 34-12 match win in 38 rounds) -- The longest running match sweep (in terms of rounds) in league history. Still, a sweep's a sweep and the Badside Brawlers are rounding into fine form with the playoffs just a week away. There's a chance they could let up just a bit in Week 7 and reset their stronger fighters especially since one bout win will secure them a playoff bye. I think Jake will keep the pressure on and push his team to finish the season on a six-match winning streak. His team's won 11 of their last 12 bouts and we're all left wondering just how they managed to lose to Team Fist back in Week 1.
Harris D'Artainian (Top Flight, 5-0 Push win in 5) -- When I sat down to watch this bout, it was already over by the time I popped the cap from on my cider. Harris was basically a blur in the ring and Koy stumbled and flailed around like Goon on his worst day. At least Team Fist also avoided the match sweep (albeit by a single point in the Sudden Death Iron Fist bout). I imagine we'll all be hearing about this bout on Rhydin Rewind for years and years to come.
Elaine Aqua (Champions of Mythos, 6-5 Crutch win in 11) -- A bright spot on a woeful Champions of Mythos, Elaine Aqua won this Sudden Death bout to save her team the humiliation of a match sweep to go along with its third loss in a row. After a strong 3-0 start to the season, CoM's fallen apart. The only reason they're still in contention is due to Elaine and Rakeesh who, combined, hold nearly 50% of the entire team's bout wins. On the plus side, they face off against Team Fist in Week 7 and that's about the best prescription any team could ask for.
Claire Farron (Team Dirty, 5-2 Iron Fist win in 6) -- Will wonders never cease? Not only did Claire dominate the Iron Fist bout and start her team's week off with a huge win, she actually spurred Team Dirty to win a match! This likely dooms The Rock Hards to an 0-7 season but I suspect Claire doesn't care. For that matter, neither do I. Is it a coincidence that both of Claire's season wins have come with 5-2 scores? Probably. Again, who cares? DRT's only won 7 bouts this season (3 of them in this match). If they beat MRC in Week 7, they make the playoffs and MRC misses. If they lose, MRC's in and DRT's out. This is as good as it gets folks! Big Money! Big Prizes!! I love it!!!
Four Down¡
Asian Invasion (0-4 Sweep; 12-34 match loss in 38 rounds) -- Lena Choi returns from her mental rest to get smacked around in the Iron Fist (2-5 loss to Jake Thrash in 7). The mutant rat gnawed on Clarice's eyeballs and turned her into a walking disease (3-5 Push loss in 13). Hoi Mei fell victim to Gren's manly charms (4-5 Crutch loss in 9). Captain Kidd had a chance to save face and prevent the sweep but got kicked around the ring (3-5 Anchor loss to Dizzy Flores in 10). AZN opened the door wide for Top Flight to take 2nd place and a first round playoff bye. What a shame.
Matthew Algiers Simon (Team Fist, 2-5 Crutch loss in 10) -- Captain Futility strikes again. Three bouts. Three losses. Seven total points. A -5.33 PDPB on the season. And he managed to get himself kicked out of the Iron Fists Garden. Congratulations, Captain Futility: You've managed to whittle away the formerly never-ending patience of Team Fist Nation. Sod off, mate. That interviewer was right: you're through.
Koyliak VanDuran-Simon (Team Fist, 0-5 Push loss in 5) -- Unfortunately, Captain Futility's better half now holds the distinct record of being the first person in IFL to lose two perfect shutouts. The first came in the Season 2 playoffs at the hands of Kelten Tarkenstone and now she's the victim of another debacle at the hands of Harris D'Artainian. She looked awful this entire bout, almost physically sick. Maybe she's watched her husband get beat down one too many times and it's addled her fragile mind. At any rate: Rubbish in, rubbish out. A divorce would do her wonders, I'd wager.
Kimone Kidd / Lena Choi -- We covered the match and bout results already. This isn't about either. We're going to travel back in time. Ready? Steady? Go!
Back. Back. Back we go! To the start of Week 5 where Captain Kidd, upset that I questioned her captaining tactics in relation to benching Lena Choi, "needed" to call me to the carpet because I "haven't done anything more than write about the league". She felt that I "[think I] know how to captain better" than she. Three guesses as to how right she was.
The reason for the benching? Lena, apparently too stressed out by the whole entire month she'd been in IFL to that point, felt the need to have a bit of a break and begged for a break. Translation: she hung her team out to dry and left them scrambling to pick up her slack. Nevermind she's far and away the best fighter on the team this season. Bugger that! By all means, why not rest the whole team and hire Free Agents to fill the slots? Holiday for all!!
Lena Choi's Record, Pre-Benching: 4-0, 6.25 PDPB
Lena Choi's Record, Post Benching: 0-1, -8.00 PDPB
You can tell me to sod off all you want, dearie. It doesn't make me any less right. Benching Lena turned into a bloody shambles. And now it's come back to haunt Captain Kidd and more importantly, her team. By the way, Lena's benched again in Week 7. So much for learning from your mistakes.
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