Four Up! Four Down¡ Week 5
Source IFL News Network
December 9, 2013
Before we delve into Week 5, I must take a small detour down the road we like to call The Truth Hurts, Don't It? It seems I struck a nerve with Captain Kidd, head of the league-leading 4-1 Asian Invasion. She seems unappreciative of my analysis and my advice. I will now take a moment to rebut her rebuttal.
Ahem.
Dear Captain Kidd,
I've been evaluating and studying teams and team captains for a long while now across several different leagues. I know a dodgy decision when I see one. Benching your best dueler is rarely a good idea and your whinging about how poor Miss Lena Choi needs family time and that her psyche's so fragile she'd start losing if not benched is bollocks. This is a team competition. Selfish "me-time" needs to wait until the season's over. We're talking 7 weeks of a season, not 7 months. If Miss Choi can't be there for the team for 7 measly weeks, she's got no business being involved. It's not about forcing anyone to do anything. It's about expecting the members of a team to live up to their commitment to the team. If she doesn't want to fight, she can quit. She wouldn't be the first. You've got two weeks left to straighten out your teammates' priorities before playoffs begin. I suggest you hop to it and maybe also take a half-minute lesson in humility. You don't want to listen when someone points out a strategic flaw? Fan-bloody-tastic. Let's hope your stubbornness doesn't cost your team in the long run.
Now, to the second nerve. Captain Kidd's right...she did get overpowered by Rakeesh. Why? Because I'm right and she crumbled under pressure. Had she won that fight we'd all be hearing about how she overcame the odds and what a wonderful accomplishment it was that she rose to the occasion. Blah. Blah. Blah. Know why we're not hearing that? Because...that's right...she crumbled to the tune of a 1-5 loss to the, as she puts it, "mindless" creature. Here's some more advice: Losing happens. Stop being so sensitive, Missy. Own up to when you're rubbish and learn from it. Don't hide behind 'he's so much bigger than me how could I be expected to win?' excuses. Trust me. You'll be around a lot longer and your own team (not to mention the rest of the league) might respect you more.
Now that that's out of the way...on to Week 5 where Team Dirty got swept a 3rd time, Team Fist Nation's delirium reached a fever pitch and Anne Arky's production team spent countless hours in the edit bay.
Colin Talvitie
Staff Writer
Four Up!
Team Fist (4-0 Sweep; 34-10 match win in 32 rounds) -- Amazing what happens when Captain Futility stays out of the way, isn't it? Of course, it helps that Team Dirty's not exactly a league powerhouse. Still, a sweep's a sweep and given the low number of bouts won by Team Fist so far this season, they need every victory they can get.
Two bouts won 5-1 and two won 5-4. Team Fist losing this match could have dropped them to the bottom of the playoff seeding. They made sure that didn't happen and are poised to grab a first round bye if they continue down a similar path.
Jake Thrash (Badside Brawlers, 5-1 Iron Fist win in 7) -- Several years ago, I chastised Jake for sitting on the sidelines while he sent female dueler after female dueler out into the rings to take their lumps. Looks like the human half of the brain decided to relegate the half-orc part to in-ring action and take over the matchup strategies while the half-orc part chants "Drink. Ale! Crush. Things!" repeatedly. 3 duels, 15 points scored, 2 given up. And this one against the most recent Kiowa Belt Winner (who's now lost two straight duels 1-5). What more is there to say?
Dean Reighland (Top Flight, 6-5 Push win in 12) -- Dean didn't know it at the time, but his winning this squeaker over upstart Fang Hoi Mei thereby handing her her very first IFL loss, was the only time his team would taste victory. This bout, which entered Sudden Death in Round 7, was quite even all the way with neither fighter ever getting more than a single point lead and with 8 rounds exchanged with the score tied. Not at all a dominating win but since it prevented a sweep, Dean gets his brief moment in the Four Up! sun.
Blondie Eastwood (Team Fist, 5-1 Anchor win in 6) -- Blondie set the tone for the entire TMF vs. DRT series when he mashed the over-sexualized cat-thing 5-1 to start things off. This after cat-thing lost to Dizzy Flores by the same score the week prior. Blondie gets the win, sets the tone and earns a promotion. Pretty good week for the chap, I'd say. Captain Futility's got to be giddy as a schoolgirl.
Four Down¡
Team Dirty (0-4 Sweep; 10-34 match loss in 32 rounds) -- Five weeks. Swept three times (including back-to-back in Weeks 4 & 5). Acquired the record for worst-match-loss ever. Ever! Ms. Arky wondered whether Captain Claire's "a stupid confused girl or bumbling angry drunk" who's admitted she has brain damage. Here's the answer: Yes.
Still, not everything''s entirely the fault of her addled brain. Her team's simply wretched. Nobody has a winning record and aside from Juliane Smith (1-1, 1.00 PDPB) who's their #1 fighter, the next best PDPB on the team is a whopping -3.75. In fact, out of the 55 people on the leaderboard as Week 5 closes out, DRT's roster comes in at #26, #38, #39, #43, #47, #50 and #52. Contrast that with AZN who has 4 duelers in the Top 15 or even -- Lord help us all -- Captain Futility & Friends with 4 duelers in the Top 10 (Captain Futility ranks 49th, better than expected). DRT's also finally fallen out of the final playoff spot. That's what happens when a team has 3 bout wins after 20 fights. Two more weeks and this team should be put out of their misery.
The Rock Hards (1-3; 19-26 match loss in 30 rounds) -- This week's a perfect example why this team's winless: they haven't yet figured out how to fight as a team. Case in point: Two points. Two points turn this loss into a win. How? If Minam Go (1-2, -2.33 PDPB) (who somehow hasn't been killed in the ring yet) scores first in Sudden Death to beat Charles Blackstone, the match score stands at 22-23. If Kruger or Rachael can manage a single additional point between them, the score goes to 23-23 and The Rock Hards get the tiebreaker victory for winning the Iron Fist bout. I agree hypotheticals are bollocks and it's far too easy to play the what-if game. However, two points can mean the difference between a playoff seed and going home. In the case of this team, it probably means the difference between a 1-6 season vs. a winless one.
Rakeesh Sah Tarna / Joku Ruko Shoyia (Champions of Mythos, 5-6 Push loss in 14 & 2-5 Crutch loss in 7) -- We already discussed Kelten's shellacking above so we'll talk about CoM's other missteps here. It proved a bad week for those with three names. Rakeesh's first loss this season (Lilly Hyde) came at a bad time while Joku became a victim of back-to-back losses (Candy Hart). Many picked to take home the Season 3 championship but they seem to have gone on cruise control far too early and have now dropped their second straight match. Could they miss the playoffs? Not likely. Still, TreeGirl better whip this team into shape (apparently literally with Rakeesh) or their fans will soon feel like Team Fist Nation does after each and every season.
Jin Sin (Mercenarii, 2-5 Iron Fist loss in 6) -- Know what helps a team turn things around pretty darn fast? A sweep. Know what Jin blew for MRC? A sweep. And in the Iron Fist bout no less. To make it worse, Jin was in the thick of the match at the end of the third round (2-2). Then he apparently decided to sod it all because HeOfTheManyNames wasn't paying enough and just stopped scoring, losing the bout three rounds later. We all know MRC needs all the help it can get. We all know it needed this bout win. We all know it needed this match sweep. Maybe next season.
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