Four Up! Four Down¡ Week 4
Source IFL News Network
By Colin Talvitie
November 29, 2013
As Week 4 ends, Team Dirty occupies the last playoff slot despite only winning a total of 3 bouts all season and getting swept in Week 4. The bottom two teams, Mercenarii and The Rock Hards have won more bouts but haven't nailed down a match victory. Can we banish all of these teams from the playoffs? They're all pure rubbish.
All the other teams are mired in a 3-1 quagmire. With 3 weeks left in the season, who'll surge ahead and earn themselves an important 1st round playoff bye? You can bet it's not going to be Captain Futility and friends. My money's on Top Flight and Asian Invasion...are they taking bets at The Line yet?
One last thing before we get to the matchups because I'm sick of including him in Four Down¡ even though he deserves to be there again this week: I don't much care that he won this week (5-4 Crutch against rookie Keo Tim)...HeOfTheManyNames actually benched Rena so he could put himself and his 0-3 Season 3 record in the ring again. And then he had another teammate forfeit meaning he couldn't sub in for a situation that's, you know...designed for subs! Can we take away his Captain's Card yet? Nutter.
Colin Talvitie
Staff Writer
Four Up!
Badside Brawlers (4-0 Sweep; 34-6 match win in 27 rounds) -- I bet Dizzy Flores enjoyed this match much more than when she watched the Brawlers annihilate her Team SHE comrades 34-6 back in Season 2. Two weeks ago, I told you she'd likely bounce back having never lost more than 2 bouts in a row and she did just that in closing out this match with a 5-1 drubbing of Khoom Helston in the Crutch. Dizzy had fine examples to follow as three days prior, Lilly Hyde knocked off Gothrak 5-1 in the Iron Fist, the mutant rat infected Claire Farron with all sorts of awful diseases (5-1 in the Push) and Gren, though plagued with female problems, still managed a 5-3 win in the Anchor. The scary part? This wasn't even close to the Brawlers' best lineup. That speaks to both how good they are and how much farther Team Dirty needs to go.
Lena Choi (Asian Invasion, 5-2 Iron Fist win in 8) -- Vanion Shadowcast came into this bout fresh off acquiring the Battlefield Park barony from Captain Futility and defending FireStar from Melanie Rostol. Lena refused to become part of the steamroll and knocked Vanion around the ring to put her season/career record at 4-0 (2 Iron Fist wins, 2 Push wins) and climb to 3rd on the PDPB leaderboard. And for that, she's benched in Week 5. Notice to Captain Kidd: Sitting your best fighter in the midst of a playoff dogfight is a terrible idea...that first-round bye's within reach! Now's not the time to start making dodgy decisions.
Harris D'Artainian (Top Flight, 5-2 Iron Fist win in 8) -- If Dean Reighland gives up one more point in the Crutch, ManToy doesn't make this week's list But Dean only gave up 3 meaning ManToy's Iron Fist win meant something. That something is a tiebreaker match win (21+ to 21). Xanth, in his first ever Iron Fist bout, certainly picked a poor time to lose his first bout of the season. ManToy's not complaining, nor should he for now he can relax and go back to being Serichi's plaything for another week.
Rakeesh Sah Tarna (Champions of Mythos, 5-2 Push win in 8) -- I really don't know what's going on with all the circus handlers and Rakeesh, but it's getting creepy. Still, maybe TreeGirl should hire similar handlers for the rest of her team and keep them collared before their fights because Rakeesh has scored a total of 15 points this season while giving up five. Undefeated on the season, he's allowed no more than 2 points in any bout. Too, TreeGirl's proved she's smarter than AZN's Captain Kidd by not benching her best dueler in Week 5 where Rakeesh is scheduled to square off against Lilly Hyde in the Push bout. Well done, TreeGirl, well done.
Four Down¡
Seirichi (Top Flight, 1-5 Anchor loss in 7) -- It was rather amazing how quickly this loudmouth found herself down 4-0 (four rounds to be precise). Unfortunately, Shadow then fumbled away his chance at a perfect shutout and lost the shutout altogether in round 6. With 2 bouts and 2 losses for this half of Rhydin Rewind's infamous duo, Seirichi's finding herself following in the footsteps of Captain Futility moreso than those of ManToy, her bed-partner and team captain. Bet that makes for some interesting afterglow conversation.
Chris Graziano (Mercenarii, 0-5 Anchor forfeit in 6) -- Rubbish. Rubbish rubbish rubbish. Maybe HeOfTheManyNames needs to offer up some more cash...this never would have happened on Wrecking Crew. Rubbish.
Team Dirty (0-4 Sweep; 6-34 match loss in 27 rounds) -- Technically, this is the worst matchup loss ever in IFL history. Though the point-spread mirrors Team SHE's buggered performance against the Badside Brawlers in Season 2 Week 4, those girls dragged the match out to 31 rounds. The Dirty crew actually managed to lose faster. Gothrak (down 4-0 in 5 rounds), Claire and Khoom scored a combined total of three points (Iron Fist, Push & Crutch) while rookie Juliane Smith did 3x better by scoring a whole three points in her Anchor loss. And yet, this team still might find themselves in the playoffs. What a load of bollocks.
Captain Futility (Team Fist, 1-5 Crutch loss in 7) -- Going into this last bout of the match, Captain Futility needed only score one point to provide more false hope to Team Fist Nation. He barely managed to do even that. After giving up that point in the third round, Rachael Douglas of the back-to-back 5-1 victories beat Captain Futility up one side of the ring and down the other. This puts Captain Futility's career record at 5-12 and his Crutch bout record at 0-5. If you combine his IFL record with how many Governors' elections he's managed to cock up, you might just start feeling sorry for the guy.
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