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Hydra Cup Season 1 Results: 2nd

Projected Best Shot for Hydra Cup Season 1 MVP: Xanth Van Bokkelen
Hydra Cup Season 1 Team MVP: Xanth Van Bokkelen

Projected Hydra Cup Season 2 Team Placement: 7th
Best Shot for Season 2 Team & Overall MVP: Xanth Van Bokkelen

Roster Additions: Jesse DeAngelo Van Bokkelen Graziano Helston O'Neill, Deathlord
Roster Purges: Tala, Tiramisu, Niki Blade, Dave

I'll admit it. Xanth was pretty darn impressive last year. Let's be realistic - Great of Strength was not a team in Hydra Season 1. It was Xanth and Xanth alone. In fact, the only thing Xanth didn't do during Season 1 was pull off the hostile takeover of a library -- that's how he gets his kicks, you know.

This year, Anubis got rid of a load of team members who don't (or never have) dueled. And then (I'll admit it, I snorted my morning milk out of my nose and nearly died laughing, literally, when I saw this roster for the first time) he went and signed two people who aren't even on the standings of any sport. Hey, Anubis, I've got a suggestion for you: go enslave yourself a brain. A half-wit cabbage could put together a better roster than this, you pillock!

This team should be re-named to Great of Xanth because that's all it is. Xanth my man (sorry - my lich), you once again stand alone. Maybe Dresslord can weave you a new cloak or borrow one from a newly deceased minion after the one you're wearing gets ripped to shreds by the Season 2 competition.

Anubis Karos (DoF: 86 WoL; DoM: N/A; DoS: 26 WoL) -- A few months ago, Anubis finally (finally!) managed to issue a valid challenge to Matt Simon for IceDancer. It only took him what, three years to manage that feat? And then he lost. Talk about anti-climactic. Dipping back into a more familiar well, Anubis recently challenged Rakeesh for FireStar. Of course, he did this before Hydra began so it's a worthless challenge as far as points are concerned. Bloody well done!

Failing to once again sign Crunchem the ogre to his team (seriously, how do you lose track of an ogre, even a cute and cuddly one that has his own plushie?), Anubis has cobbled together a roster of Xanth plus fodder. Anubis might get himself an Opal or maybe even a Barony during the next 6 weeks but whatever he does, it'll be too little too late to help this team do much more than hand out points - assuming anyone but Xanth even duels that is.

Xanth Van Bokkelen (DoF: 16 WoL; DoM: 26 WoL; DoS: 33 WoL) -- Hey look everyone! It's Xanth! Scourge of Libraries! Wearer of Cloaks! Scorer of All Points! A One Lich Team! Already, Xanth's the only GoS member doing anything of note in Hydra Season 2, having issued two challenges (both against Lem DeAngelo) in the opening minutes of the tournament. The rest of his team has done what? That's right, a whole lotta nothing.

Last year, Xanth netted himself 409 personal points, 279 team points and the title of Hydra Powerhouse but don't expect him to dominate the event this year. With Season 2's rules in place, one Lich does not a winning team make.

Jesse DeAngelo Van Bokkelen Graziano Helston O'Neill (DoF: 0 WoL; DoM: 16 WoL; DoS: 15 WoL) -- We're all going to die. Seriously, every one of us. Whether by mana bomb, a Jesse-induced apocalypse or because the Good Lord has mercy on us all and rescues us from her latest gone-awry scheme, Jesse will bring about the end of Rhydin. She may wait until after Hydra Season 2 ends, but it's going to happen. Believe me. Maybe it'll happen after she defends or loses the Tower of Earth to Siofra over on the Isle. I think I'll take a vacation that week.

Assuming we all survive the next 6 weeks, I suspect the majority of Jesse's points will come from bouncing back and forth between Sorcerer & Mage and Warlord & Grand Master. Beyond that, the only thing Jesse's competing for is TheLongestNameInKnownHistory with Gustavus G'nort Esplanade G'neesmacher Dragoon-Talanador the Third. She's currently losing by 8 letters. Bloody hell. My last name has 8 letters. NONE OF YOU BLOODY WANKERS BETTER EVER LET HER KNOW THAT!

Deathlord (DoF: N/A; DoM: N/A; DoS: N/A) -- Fytco Toy Company really needs to release a Deathlord doll. You read that right. Not an action figure, a doll. A dress-up doll. And it oughta come with a mini-Taneth, make-up kits and loads of outfits. You know, it's really too bad Taneth hasn't been around much of late because she and Dresslord really made a cute couple. That must be what Dresslord's been doing for the last year or so - playing dress-up with his minions. He certainly hasn't been dueling. Undead fashion does take up a lot of time, I suppose.

Anyway, hardly anyone remembers that Dresslord was the first person/thing to obtain a Barony in the Arena without even being on the standings. And look! He's not on the standings again, anywhere! His minions still have that Realty going but it's probably not a big moneymaker and we haven't seen a minion in the rings for months now. Maybe Dresslord & his Merry Band of Minions will get into quilting next. Quiltlord has a nice ring to it. Quick, snatch up all the thimbles before the undead take them all! HAIL DRESSLORD!

Hennessy Cambpell (DoF: N/A; DoM: N/A; DoS: N/A) -- Over the last two years, we've seen very little of the Alcoholic Soup. Most times, she's associated with Anubis & Friends as a glorified babysitter to Kid Karos. Now that Anubis is a single dad, she's probably graduated to full-time glorified babysitter. Do you get perks with a gig like that, or just a slave collar? My guess is that The Alcoholic Soup doesn't ever duel in this event. Those kiddos take up a lot of time, you know. Bloody chavis.

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