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Sapphire: I just want to make it clear that we are only discussing Monk Division because we have to. Not because we want to.

Jewell: I want to.

Sapphire: That's because you're hopeless.

Jewell: So sweet. [awww sound effect] Let's start with number one seed Rachael Blackthorne, loyal Baroness of New Haven!

Sapphire: Just like we predicted last week, Rachael will be facing Munchem, number eight seed, who crushed poor Kane in round one. This fight is apparently taking place shortly before the Overlord challenge tonight.

Jewell: I think Rachael has her work cut out for her in Round 2, but I have faith that she can beat Munchem. She made it all the way to the finals in Madness last year, won a Warlord Tournament this year, annnnnd got herself a barony. Just be quick on your feet, Rachael! And maybe wear some extra padding...

Sapphire: Or bribe him. Bribery totally works.

Jewell: That too!

Sapphire: Next we have Vince Smith at number five versus Rakeesh "the Lion Turtle" Sah Tarn at number four.

Jewell: Sapphire...

Sapphire: What? It's an awesome nickname! He should be proud.

Jewell: You're incorrigible.

Sapphire: Sometimes. I think Rakeesh is going to win this one.

Jewell: Why is that?

Sapphire: Because he beat me last year in Madness and anyone that can beat me like that is made of solid WIN ["oh yeah!" sound clip]. Also, I know you don't care for Vince.

Jewell: That's ancient history.

Sapphire: Which you still hold against him.

Jewell: Eh... not really. I mean sure, he slapped me around outside the ring like some abusive boyfriend I never even slept with and didn't even bother to buy me dinner first BUT, like I said, ancient history.

Sapphire: You still think Rakeesh is going to win though, right?

Jewell: Oh absolutely! No doubt about that. Vinny is a solid duelist all around, but I think Rakeesh has the edge here because he's not secretly d-bag.

Sapphire: Sorry Vin! You're out.

Jewell: I believe the phrase is actually sorry not sorry? I heard the kids saying that one.

Sapphire: [silence]

Jewell: Oooookay. Maybe not.

Sapphire: Definitely not.

Jewell: Moving on! Next we have Baphelocutis, a number six seed, versus the Traitorous Renegade Baron of Old Temple, Aric Delevingne, seeded at number three.

Sapphire: Whoah whoah... Aric? Like the guy banging Lirssa?

Jewell: Yeah, that guy.

Sapphire: You mean the guy that's currently challenging for Overlord even though he can't even get to Warlord as a Baron?

Jewell: Uhuh...

Sapphire: The guy that was on your dueling team when he was brand new and no one else seemed to want to take a chance on him?

Jewell: Yes Sapphire

Sapphire: Is this also the same guy you told Uncle Matt to give the Overlord Grant to and that's how he even got his barony in the first place?

Jewell: Yep

Sapphire: Did you also maybe not give your Overlord grant to someone and gave it to Aki instead because you thought that other person was likely going to challenge Aric if you did?

Jewell: Maaaaaybe.

Sapphire: Oh wow. What a tool! That guy is totally going down. And you can crush him in your challenge tonight too. Really make it sting. Maybe slash at him a few times.

Jewell: Fantastic idea. You hear that Baph? We think you're going to win!

Sapphire: The last fight for the Lame Monk Division is Erin Dundbridge, a number seven seed, verus my favorite uncle, Old Man Matt Simon, a number two seed.

Jewell: Matt spent a portion of the year as Overlord, a title which he defended several times. He's been keeping a low profile lately, but...

Sapphire: So has Erin. She only got one duel in during the last year. I know she's ranked at Warlord still, but that's a lot of rust to try to kick off.

Jewell: Unless Matt does one of his spinning backhands and knocks it all off for her [spinning backhand sound effect]. POW!

Sapphire: That would be awesome.

Jewell: Just not so much for Erin. Sorry E! I'm super excited to see you around; let's get a drink after Matt beats you, kay? We've got some catching up to do.

Sapphire: Only you can't drink anything more exciting than water these days.

Jewell: [sighs] You're the worst.

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