Hydra Cup: Team Beat Down
Source Rhydin Newswire
By Colin Talvitie
June 28, 2012
Apt name for this team, because that's going to be their collective state once Candy's through with them. This troupe better be more worried about the whims of their fire-obsessed captain and her propensity for violent outbursts than anything else. Comparatively, this team ought to stick in the mix for both the top team and top individual titles. If they don't flee from Candy in terror, that is.
Projected Hydra Cup Team Placement: 1st
Best Shot for the Cup's Individual Title: Candy Hart
Candy Hart (DoF: 81 WoL, Opal; DoM: 2 WoL Enchanter/Keeper; DoS: 2 WoL, Swordsman/Baron) -- Dueling's latest Tri-Titleholder (Barony of Old Market, Keeper of Fire & FireStar), this nutter's serving at the team captain and is the best thing this team has going. Over in the Outback, Little Miss Spitfire can't be stopped; exactly one year ago, she had 10 WoL and sat at Sapphire. One year later, she's racked up 8x that many wins and maintained a WoL pace no other dueler's been able to match in the same period.
Despite the fact she sports 2 WoL in two venues, she holds title in each (thanks in part to the bollocks Magic rule that nearly anyone with a pulse can challenge for Keepership as well as a bestowed Grant in Swords allowing her a free baronial challenge) which is a testament that she can perform when the pressure's on. That, and she can burn things and otherwise wreak mayhem and havoc both in and out of the ring. Seriously, how nobody's hauled her off to prison or the psych ward yet is beyond me. No, instead, let's let her become the latest spokeswoman for the Red Orc Brewery because we all know that mixing alcohol and fire's a brilliant idea! Brilliant! Great plan there, Mr. Half-Orc Jake. Better check up on the Brewery's fire insurance policy. Next time I have a craving for Yankee bar-b-que, I'm letting this chick be the grill. Aside from that, I'm investing in a firesuit. When the whole city burns down and I'm the only one safe and sound, don't say I didn't warn you.
Mur Ollavan (DoF: 19 WoL; DoM: 105 WoL, Keeper; DoS 11 WoL) -- As Team Beat Down's magic powerhouse, one hopes Candy's going to keep Mur confined to the Isle. Case in point: after leveling 3 challenges against Captain Futility (aka Matt Simon) for all the man's titles, Mur couldn't back up his precocious smack-talk with a walk, limp, or even crawl. For a quick review of recent history, Mur demoted from Warlord to Grand Master rendering the Arena challenge invalid and got stomped 5-1 & 5-0 in his bid for IceDancer. Mur then saved a bit of face by defeating Captain Futility for the Water Keepership, which is something akin to stealing candy from a tot. The lesson? Don't let this guy near the Outback or the Arena. I'd suggest that Mur'll be spending most of the Cup competition passed out in a ditch with a bottle of cheap liquor clutched to his chest but I'm guessing fear of getting burned to death by Little Miss Spitfire will keep him in line.
Seirichi (DoF: 20 WoL, Diamond; DoM: 4 WoL, Keeper; DoS: 4 WoL) -- Hey look, it's Candy-Lite! Hailing from Adenna, Candy-Lite also benefitted from Magic's 'oh look I walked onto the Isle and now I can challenge for titles' tenet. Talk to this chick for more than a half-second and you'll hear all about how she beat up Harris for PathFinder once and tossed him into a table. And you'll hear it about eighty-five times in that half second. Time for a new highlight of your life, girlie.
Post-Harris-Bashing, she went and got herself the Diamond and apparently is afraid of losing rank because she hasn't fought in a month over in the Outback. And over on the Isle, she snuck in one whole duel last week just before she was about to be stripped of her Keepership for lack of dueling. Way to be a champ, champ. On the plus side, Seirichi's proven that she can go out and snag a title just about any time she wants to which'll prove quite beneficial during the Hydra Cup. Maybe she'll start dueling regularly again and prove that swag dripping out of her ovaries (seriously, does that give anyone else the willies every time she writes it?) hasn't shriveled up and died, leaving only that tired 'I threw Harris at a table' yawnfest tale in its wake.
Jake Thrash (DoF: 69 WoL, Opal; DoM: N/A; DoS: 59 WoL) -- If we look historically, it's no surprise that Jake's on a team full of women. Going back to the days of IFL when Jake captained the Badside Brawlers, he had a number of women on the team and comparatively, they did quite a bit of the fighting against the tougher opponents. While I'm not a big fan of the strategy, it won him and the Brawlers a Season 2 championship. This time around, he's taken a backseat to Little Miss Spitfire and is surrounded by a squad of 5 women, one male (Mur) and an it (Degnor). That's gotta do wonders for the old half-orc testosterone. Jake's been around long enough to be a key cog for the Team Beat Down but he's got to spend less time in the Brewery in order to make all that veteran experience count. If he can start things off with an Opal defense (against Harris D'Artainian), he may give his leading ladies an early tournament lead.
King (DoF: 10 WoL; DoM: N/A; DoS: 12 WoL) -- If this kid wasn't hooked on whatever she's hooked on (you gotta be on something to pair up with a Jigglypuff in tag-team brawling, much less sign up on this squad), she might be up in the Emerald/Warlord echelon. My guess is she'll be there soon enough regardless.
As Little Miss Spitfire's her mentor over in the Outback, signs point to King potentially playing the role of puppet in Cup competition. Can't you just hear Little Miss Spitfire barking orders at her? Duel! Challenge! Cheer! Beer! My clothes burned away again, fetch me new knickers! If she's going to live up to her name, King'll have to worm her way out from Little Miss Spitfire's shadow and blaze her own path to Hydra Cup glory.
Degnor (DoF: 3 WoL; DoM: N/A; DoS: 2 WoL) -- A dueling robot? Nothing wrong with that in and of itself. Something else for Little Miss Spitfire to order around and get her rocks off when she incinerates it for disobedience or poor performance? Jury's still out. Those who've seen this bot outside the rings have commented on how much time it spends in mimicry and shadowboxing. So far, that's been good enough to gain it some rank in two sports. Let's hope the mimicry stays confined to dueling and that it doesn't follow Little Miss Spitfire around setting things ablaze.
Lizzie (DoF: -3 WoL; DoM: N/A; DoS: -2 WoL) -- Sporting negative WoL records in the two sports she's dueled in is probably why her relationship with the Wrecking Crew didn't move past a brief flirtation. Maybe all she needs is consistent motivation...getting your skin blistered and charred by Little Miss Spitfire for losing has gotta be one hell of a motivating factor. Let's all raise a pint to motivation!
Jamie (DoF: 2 WoL; DoM: N/A; DoS: N/A) -- The thing Lizzie has going for her is that she's dueled within the last, oh, 8 months. Jamie hasn't. Recording her last duel (at least as far as the Outback goes) on October 11th of last year means she's out of dueling practice. No time like the present, and no situation like a team competition to try and shake off some of that rust! At least she's got a bit of Outback rank on her side. Otherwise, she's got a long road to hoe.
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